Monthly Archives: April 2012

20 Reasons Why I Grow Pot—And 20 More Why You Should Too

Posted on April 25, 2012 by intoxreport

Say what you want about the Mexican drug lords, but they do not fuck around.  If you happen to show up on their radar screen, you may discover that a Columbian necktie is not something you can purchase at Lisa … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL, MEXICO | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Kassel Is Emasculated By An Empowerpuff Public Relations Morselette (And Brian Howlett)

Posted on April 24, 2012 by intoxreport

Ever heard of a cocktail called a Mint Julep?  How about a Mai Tai? Yeah; me too, so why is the publicist from Empower Public Relations sending me emails listing them among ‘Five Cocktails You May Not Have Heard Of’? … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL, LIQUOR, Miscellaneous | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Alabammy Bound—And Gagged, When It Comes To Dirty Bastard Ale

Posted on April 23, 2012 by intoxreport

Here are some things that used to be illegal for a black person to do in Alabama: Marry a honky Urinate in the same pissoir as a white person Be treated for an illness by a white doctor Be committed … Continue reading →

Posted in BEER | Tagged , | 5 Comments

Let’s Slip Out Of These Dry Clothes And Into A Wet Martini

Posted on April 23, 2012 by intoxreport

For those of you who think there is only one authentic martini—four parts gin, one part vermouth and an olive the size of Luca Brasi’s left coglione—Louie The Lush and me have an offer you can’t refuse. And speaking of … Continue reading →

Posted in Cab/Merlot, Napa | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Frei Vs. Fre: One Has An ‘I’; One Doesn’t. One Has A ‘High’; One Doesn’t.

Posted on April 21, 2012 by intoxreport

Mad Magazine was the fundamental catalyst in my kidhood drive to write humor for a living.  Advancing alcoholism is why I made wine, beer and spirits my venue. Remember that old Spy vs. Spy panel cartoon?  Where the white ‘n’ … Continue reading →

Posted in CALIFORNIA, Dry Creek, Sonoma | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Why We Should Love The Guy Who Kept His Murdered Girlfriend In The Closet For 18 Months

Posted on April 19, 2012 by intoxreport

“Now, because the chick grows rotten, she is gone but not forgotten.” – Ira Einhorn I’ll digress before I begin: I recently read an Alice Feiring article in Newsweek called ‘Why We Should Love Natural Wines’, which I found interesting … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Las Rocas On A Garnacha Roll

Posted on April 18, 2012 by intoxreport

If you’re trying to farm in Calatayud, you’re pretty much stuck between Las Rocas and a hard place.  Among the most inhospitable-looking places in the solar system, ranking between Halley’s Comet and the fifth moon of Neptune on the bucket … Continue reading →

Posted in Calatayud, Grenache, SPAIN | 2 Comments

Ready To Read Another Dull ‘En Primeur’ Column? Good, Because I’m Not Ready To Write One

Posted on April 12, 2012 by intoxreport

American wine people love to pronounce French words—especially those that they actually can pronounce. That’s why they’re always talking about lieu-dit, cépage and egrappage when they could be talking about ‘vineyard’, ‘kind of grape’ and ‘yanking the friggin’ stems off’. … Continue reading →

Posted in Bordeaux, Cab/Merlot, Cabernet Franc, FRANCE, Malbec, Merlot, Petit Verdot, Sauvignon Blanc | Tagged , , , , , | 12 Comments

Constellation Brands: A Falling Star? One Can But Hope

Posted on April 11, 2012 by intoxreport

I’m from the Motor City and I love cars. I worked in the automotive industry for seventeen years, I still remember how to rebuild a carburetor when my kids have no idea what a carburetor even is since none of … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

In Defense of the Wine Snob

Posted on April 9, 2012 by intoxreport

I used to be a snobby sommelier at a snobby restaurant, and brother, I learned to spot a non-snob a mile away. It’s not that filthy-rich Bloomfield Hills cardiologist who claims that he really doesn’t drink much wine, then orders … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | Tagged | 3 Comments