Category Archives: BEER

8° Plato: What the Brewhaha is All About

Posted on December 20, 2015 by intoxreport

I just love that new bar smell. Frankly, I don’t particularly object to that old bar smell either—the ones where the stale beer mingles with wet cardboard and overflowing toilets from a septic backup and  indelible redolence of generations of … Continue reading →

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Barack Buggers Big Beer: Bravo!

Posted on February 25, 2013 by intoxreport

When it comes to learning new words, I am pretty much on the fence.  Like, I vacillate.  It would seem that my inbred, Leonardo-level lust for learning—the product of a nearly bionic brain and a four-digit IQ (not to brag, … Continue reading →

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Pumpkin Ale: For The Mind, Ichabody And Soul

Posted on November 8, 2012 by intoxreport

If I said that most pumpkin ales don’t contain pumpkin, you’d say I was nuts. On the other hand, if I served you a piece of pumpkin pie without any sugar and spice, you’d also say I was nuts. That’s … Continue reading →

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What Is The TRUE Meaning Of Oktoberfest, Charlie Brown?

Posted on October 13, 2012 by intoxreport

As mid-autumn in the Midwest moves musty mounds of maple matter to our midden-heaps, München remains but a memory and Frankenmuth, a mere flashback. But Oktoberfest should live year round in our hearts and steins, our souls and our livers. … Continue reading →

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Are Traverse City Lambic Brewers Up Shit’s Kriek?

Posted on July 5, 2012 by intoxreport

Excuse me; I know I’m a bad man who in the afterlife will never make it out of the flaming tombs of Dante’s Sixth Circle, where I will lament forever with such heretics as Epicurus and Cavalcante de’ Cavalcanti. But … Continue reading →

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Give Me Liberty, Or In A Pinch—Give Me Another Round

Posted on June 9, 2012 by intoxreport

‘Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy.’ – Benjamin Franklin ‘And I love you, too, God.  No, I really do, buddy; I love you.  And this isn’t the beer talking either; I mean … Continue reading →

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Zima, Why Can’t I Quit You?

Posted on May 10, 2012 by intoxreport

I have a friend called Cori who recently asked me for some bourbon advice because she planned to give her boyfriend a fifth of small batch for his birthday, and although she’d already found the liquor, she was iffy on giving … Continue reading →

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Alabammy Bound—And Gagged, When It Comes To Dirty Bastard Ale

Posted on April 23, 2012 by intoxreport

Here are some things that used to be illegal for a black person to do in Alabama: Marry a honky Urinate in the same pissoir as a white person Be treated for an illness by a white doctor Be committed … Continue reading →

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I Found Detroit: It’s Been Hiding Inside Miller’s Bar ALL THIS TIME!

Posted on April 4, 2012 by intoxreport

Okay, so it wasn’t me that found Detroit, it was a bunch of loopy French people who took a break from picking mushrooms.  And it wasn’t Detroit I found, it was an otherwise blankish suburb that took the national stage … Continue reading →

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So, You Want To Be A Meth Sommelier?

Posted on March 30, 2012 by intoxreport

(The following is a true story with names and voices altered to protect the witnesses.  Except for my dingbat retard date, whose name is Cecilia Morgan.) You know who doesn’t believe in coincidences? Homicide detectives, that’s who.  Oh, and Stephen … Continue reading →

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