Monthly Archives: March 2012

Brown-Nosing in Paso Robles: Red Zeppelin Winery

Of my forty-three thousand Facebook friends, I know approximately four of them personally—the rest I solicited over the years so that I could make smarmy rejoinders to their heartfelt postings in the firm belief that I would become the Oscar … Continue reading

Posted in CALIFORNIA, Central Coast, Grenache, Syrah/Shiraz | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

So, You Want To Be A Meth Sommelier?

(The following is a true story with names and voices altered to protect the witnesses.  Except for my dingbat retard date, whose name is Cecilia Morgan.) You know who doesn’t believe in coincidences? Homicide detectives, that’s who.  Oh, and Stephen … Continue reading

Posted in BEER | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Velvety ‘Veleta’: A Big Cheese In Tiny Contraviesa-Alpujarra

Q.: What does Veleta have in common with Velveeta? A.: Neither are made out of cheese. * Okay, now that the inevitable and idiotic processed cheese-food reference has been laid to rest, I turn my focus toward a series of … Continue reading

Posted in SPAIN, Tempraillo, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

You Side With The Angels—Me, I’ve Got Lincoln Henderson’s Back

The following review contains words like ‘penis’ and may not be suitable for adults. “For in the Resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in Heaven.”  – Matthew 22:30 As the … Continue reading

Posted in Bourbon, LIQUOR | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Stryker Sonoma Petit Verdot: The Golden Ticket

My buddy Roger Bonga makes a sinfully serious chocolate wine out in Grand Rapids; Oregon’s Shallon Winery makes ‘a rich chocolate and orange whey* wine’; and of course, there’s that inexplicably weird and awful Dutch mess called Chocovine, a blend … Continue reading

Posted in Petit Verdot, Sonoma | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Black Lotus Brewery Just Keeps On Blooming

Within the well-worn wiles of wordplay, plenty of entities have found fame in combining hardcore words with gentle words—Led Zeppelin, Iron Butterfly, Steel Magnolias, Hitler Youth—so ‘Black Lotus’ is among impressive, if imposing company. No problem for Mark Harper, Michael … Continue reading

Posted in BEER, Michigan, MIDWEST | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Hestan Vineyards: Picture Perfect Picks From The Sultan of Saucepans

When a well-heeled businessman decides to open a winery—and plenty do—we can but hope that they possess at least one of the Big Three: A sense of taste, a love of the land or winemaking savvy. If somebody around the … Continue reading

Posted in Cab/Merlot, CALIFORNIA, Chardonnay, Napa | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

What’s So Great About France, Vintage 2009?

In the first place, ‘vintage year’ is whatever the opposite of oxymoronic is, since technically, every year is a vintage year. In Oporto, however, certain vintages may be ‘declared’—meaning that, in the spring of the second year following the harvest, … Continue reading

Posted in Bordeaux, Burgundy, FRANCE, GENERAL, Loire, Rhône | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

How To Write About Wine Like Robert Parker Jr.

What’s the dillio with all the RPJ slaggin’, yo? He’s never called women sluts like Rush Limbaugh; he’s never referred to black people as ‘little monkeys’ like Howard Cosell and (as far as I know) he’s never publicly announced a … Continue reading

Posted in GENERAL | Tagged , | 6 Comments

The Bluto Blutarsky Guide To Wine Appreciation

On the surface I have nothing against microwaved ramen noodles, downloading music illegally, wearing hoodies with school logos or any of the other inexplicably wacked-out things things that college kids do, but I see no reason why they should have … Continue reading

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