Monthly Archives: March 2012

Brown-Nosing in Paso Robles: Red Zeppelin Winery

Posted on March 31, 2012 by intoxreport

Of my forty-three thousand Facebook friends, I know approximately four of them personally—the rest I solicited over the years so that I could make smarmy rejoinders to their heartfelt postings in the firm belief that I would become the Oscar … Continue reading →

Posted in CALIFORNIA, Central Coast, Grenache, Syrah/Shiraz | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

So, You Want To Be A Meth Sommelier?

Posted on March 30, 2012 by intoxreport

(The following is a true story with names and voices altered to protect the witnesses.  Except for my dingbat retard date, whose name is Cecilia Morgan.) You know who doesn’t believe in coincidences? Homicide detectives, that’s who.  Oh, and Stephen … Continue reading →

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Velvety ‘Veleta’: A Big Cheese In Tiny Contraviesa-Alpujarra

Posted on March 29, 2012 by intoxreport

Q.: What does Veleta have in common with Velveeta? A.: Neither are made out of cheese. * Okay, now that the inevitable and idiotic processed cheese-food reference has been laid to rest, I turn my focus toward a series of … Continue reading →

Posted in SPAIN, Tempraillo, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

You Side With The Angels—Me, I’ve Got Lincoln Henderson’s Back

Posted on March 27, 2012 by intoxreport

The following review contains words like ‘penis’ and may not be suitable for adults. “For in the Resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in Heaven.”  – Matthew 22:30 As the … Continue reading →

Posted in Bourbon, LIQUOR | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Stryker Sonoma Petit Verdot: The Golden Ticket

Posted on March 26, 2012 by intoxreport

My buddy Roger Bonga makes a sinfully serious chocolate wine out in Grand Rapids; Oregon’s Shallon Winery makes ‘a rich chocolate and orange whey* wine’; and of course, there’s that inexplicably weird and awful Dutch mess called Chocovine, a blend … Continue reading →

Posted in Petit Verdot, Sonoma | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Black Lotus Brewery Just Keeps On Blooming

Posted on March 10, 2012 by intoxreport

Within the well-worn wiles of wordplay, plenty of entities have found fame in combining hardcore words with gentle words—Led Zeppelin, Iron Butterfly, Steel Magnolias, Hitler Youth—so ‘Black Lotus’ is among impressive, if imposing company. No problem for Mark Harper, Michael … Continue reading →

Posted in BEER, Michigan, MIDWEST | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Hestan Vineyards: Picture Perfect Picks From The Sultan of Saucepans

Posted on March 8, 2012 by intoxreport

When a well-heeled businessman decides to open a winery—and plenty do—we can but hope that they possess at least one of the Big Three: A sense of taste, a love of the land or winemaking savvy. If somebody around the … Continue reading →

Posted in Cab/Merlot, CALIFORNIA, Chardonnay, Napa | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

What’s So Great About France, Vintage 2009?

Posted on March 7, 2012 by intoxreport

In the first place, ‘vintage year’ is whatever the opposite of oxymoronic is, since technically, every year is a vintage year. In Oporto, however, certain vintages may be ‘declared’—meaning that, in the spring of the second year following the harvest, … Continue reading →

Posted in Bordeaux, Burgundy, FRANCE, GENERAL, Loire, Rhône | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

How To Write About Wine Like Robert Parker Jr.

Posted on March 3, 2012 by intoxreport

What’s the dillio with all the RPJ slaggin’, yo? He’s never called women sluts like Rush Limbaugh; he’s never referred to black people as ‘little monkeys’ like Howard Cosell and (as far as I know) he’s never publicly announced a … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | Tagged , | 6 Comments

The Bluto Blutarsky Guide To Wine Appreciation

Posted on March 2, 2012 by intoxreport

On the surface I have nothing against microwaved ramen noodles, downloading music illegally, wearing hoodies with school logos or any of the other inexplicably wacked-out things things that college kids do, but I see no reason why they should have … Continue reading →

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