Author Archives: intoxreport

Drinking While Pregnant? No ProbleζςτǿЦ∑

Posted on June 22, 2013 by intoxreport

Dear ol’ mom was known to knock back a few; that is not in dispute.  However, since I was born during the Mad Men heyday, just how much she upped and quaffed while up the duff is a question of … Continue reading →

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Cork Dork Laments, ‘Why Didn’t I Think Of It First?’

Posted on June 19, 2013 by intoxreport

Because you are a dolt and a doofus as well as a dork.  Hey, so kill the messenger already.  Rest easy: None of us thought of it either. Consider these vignettes, transfused with varying volumes of veracity: The sail was … Continue reading →

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Cure For The Summertime Blues? Whites!

Posted on June 17, 2013 by intoxreport

I reserve a sort of parallel pity for people professing, ‘ I only drink red wine,’ as I do for those picky pisshaps who propound, ‘I only date Nordic meconologists with silicone hooters and poodles named ‘Pummy Paw-Paws.’ Yoda reminds … Continue reading →

Posted in ITALY, Napa | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Chew Chew Charlie Was A Racketeer? Say It Isn’t So, Feds!

Posted on June 14, 2013 by intoxreport

Of the many strange pearls of advice my father offered me, this one stuck:  ‘Never trust anyone whose name can be translated as ‘Vietcong Pig’s Feet’. I once—once—had dinner at Chuck E. Fromage—Charlie Trotter’s eponymous, over-priced, upscale pizzeria on W. … Continue reading →

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French To Take Some Canned Heat at Vinexpo 2013

Posted on June 14, 2013 by intoxreport

I’m going, I’m going, Where the water tastes like wine; We can jump in the water, Stay drunk all the time. – ‘Going Up The Country’; Canned Heat, 1968 Next week at Vinexpo in Bordeaux, Winestar will introduce a line … Continue reading →

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No Honor-Roll Among Thieves: Balmy & Clod Rob Château d’Yquem

Posted on June 12, 2013 by intoxreport

Granted, when Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker began their cigar-chompin’ shitstorm in 1932, the dessert wine industry had not really taken hold in the Midwest.  So, they are to be forgiven for targeting banks and gas stations rather than hundred-point châteaux … Continue reading →

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When Is A Snow Cone A ‘No’ Cone? Ask Francis Ford Coppola

Posted on June 11, 2013 by intoxreport

As a phenomenal film forger, a wicked wine whiz and a fellow Detroiter (by birth, anyway), it is hard for me not to harbor a soft spot for Francis Ford Coppola.  A forgiving and patient soft spot, too—one that is … Continue reading →

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He Who Laughs Last Laughs Longest… At The Longest Word

Posted on June 10, 2013 by intoxreport

I expect to take grief for what I am about to say, but taking grief is table stakes for this column.  Besides, deep inside the dustiest nook of our most politically correct consciences, we all know it is true: Once … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL, GERMANY | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Bridlewood Revisited

Posted on June 8, 2013 by intoxreport

What’s the difference between a fifteen dollar chardonnay and a twenty dollar chardonnay? Five bucks. Thomas Riley Marshall (D), Indiana governor, 1908 -1913 and 28th Vice President of the United States under Woodrow Wilson, is not remembered for his controversial … Continue reading →

Posted in CALIFORNIA, Central Coast, Monterey | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Drinking And Driving And Why We Can’t Swig Directly From The Marathon Spigot

Posted on June 7, 2013 by intoxreport

Drunk driving is no laughing matter, as well the good folks at Archer Daniels Midland know.  As a world leader in renewable fuels, the Decatur, Illinois corporation is committed to (I quote) ‘increasing awareness among all colleagues of the importance … Continue reading →

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