Author Archives: intoxreport

The Gindenburg: ‘Oh, The Ginanity’

Posted on July 17, 2015 by intoxreport

It’s six in the morning and shortly, Hendrick’s Gin wants to get me up inside a giant flying pickle.  Technically, it’s a flying cucumber, but technically again,  a pickle is merely a cucumber that feels like I do at 6 … Continue reading →

Posted in Gin, LIQUOR | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Is ‘Omerta’ an Indian Word?

Posted on July 16, 2015 by intoxreport

People are generally a bit surprised to find out that there is a Canadian Mafia, primarily because* the two concepts seem so incompatible. * (I was going to say ‘chiefly’ because, but in the wake of Washington Redskins Name-Scandalgate, I thought … Continue reading →

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Date Cristal; Marry Cava

Posted on July 12, 2015 by intoxreport

During our formative years—that callow and malleable era when we still thought Keith Richards was a good guitar player and PETA was a righteous organization and God was actually seated in His heaven—we came to the conclusion that there were … Continue reading →

Posted in Penedès, SPAIN | Tagged | 1 Comment

Whip: It Good

Posted on July 7, 2015 by intoxreport

Some of the world’s greatest wines are single varietal.  There are the towering Chardonnays of Montrachet, the suave and potent Pinot Noirs of Romanée-Conti, the hedonistic Rieslings of the Rheingau and the pure-Furmint Tokajis of Hungary. You’ll run into some impressive … Continue reading →

Posted in CALIFORNIA, Central Coast | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Robert Parker Wants Make-Up Sex, That’s All

Posted on July 5, 2015 by intoxreport

It’s a mixed-up, jumbled-up, webbed-up world, kids, and what you just read is known as ‘clickbait’—a provocative headline designed to generate reader hits. And you bit, suckers. First, let me apologize for baiting your click then calling you suckers: “I … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Dishonest Non-Fiction is an Oxymoron

Posted on July 3, 2015 by intoxreport

Gather ‘round, wiglets—let me tell you an honest story: Since accidentally checking ‘Wine Writer’ instead of ‘Unemployed Drunk’ on the back of the career-path matchbook, I have discovered that the two pastimes are interchangeable. Well, that’s not completely honest.  Actually, … Continue reading →

Posted in Michigan | Tagged | Leave a comment

Wine, Winchesters and the Same Old Song ‘n’ Dance

Posted on July 1, 2015 by intoxreport

We all know the futility of arguing on the internet, but I believe I have elevated argumentum  inutilis to a fine art by getting into a debate with a pair of British wine experts about American gun laws. The kerfuffle … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Artuke Rioja: The Name in Spain Stays Mainly in the Brain

Posted on July 1, 2015 by intoxreport

‘Artuke’ rhymes with Y2K and is pronounced like R2D2’s  brother, both of which are better names than the one sported by the guy who owns Artuke Bodega (Kike Blanco), who is grateful for his own brother Arturo.  Because without the … Continue reading →

Posted in Rioja, SPAIN | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Sultanas, White Chocolate, Eminem and Beaujolais Blanc

Posted on June 28, 2015 by intoxreport

Q:  Why can’t pilots take Viagra? A:  I know you thought that was a lead-in to a punch line, but the fact is, pilots are forbidden to fly within six hours of taking a boner bolus because it may affect their … Continue reading →

Posted in Beaujolais, FRANCE | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Rebel With a Clause

Posted on June 26, 2015 by intoxreport

(On Sept. 15, 2015, at precisely 3:17:23 PM EST, this column will return to wine, but will only be visible in the Northern Hemisphere and parts of Kenya.) The other night in a candid interview about gun violence and race, … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | Tagged | 1 Comment