Category Archives: GENERAL

No Honor-Roll Among Thieves: Balmy & Clod Rob Château d’Yquem

Posted on June 12, 2013 by intoxreport

Granted, when Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker began their cigar-chompin’ shitstorm in 1932, the dessert wine industry had not really taken hold in the Midwest.  So, they are to be forgiven for targeting banks and gas stations rather than hundred-point châteaux … Continue reading →

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When Is A Snow Cone A ‘No’ Cone? Ask Francis Ford Coppola

Posted on June 11, 2013 by intoxreport

As a phenomenal film forger, a wicked wine whiz and a fellow Detroiter (by birth, anyway), it is hard for me not to harbor a soft spot for Francis Ford Coppola.  A forgiving and patient soft spot, too—one that is … Continue reading →

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He Who Laughs Last Laughs Longest… At The Longest Word

Posted on June 10, 2013 by intoxreport

I expect to take grief for what I am about to say, but taking grief is table stakes for this column.  Besides, deep inside the dustiest nook of our most politically correct consciences, we all know it is true: Once … Continue reading →

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Drinking And Driving And Why We Can’t Swig Directly From The Marathon Spigot

Posted on June 7, 2013 by intoxreport

Drunk driving is no laughing matter, as well the good folks at Archer Daniels Midland know.  As a world leader in renewable fuels, the Decatur, Illinois corporation is committed to (I quote) ‘increasing awareness among all colleagues of the importance … Continue reading →

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Michael Green Decants His Dog; Pass It On

Posted on June 4, 2013 by intoxreport

What’s the difference between wine writer Michael Green and moi? I mean, other than his five-star education, superior working knowledge, pixie-like profile and ability to see dead people? This: Michael Green proudly pronounces that he decants everything, while I assure … Continue reading →

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I See Motown, I See France; I Just Bought ‘The Wedding Dance’

Posted on June 3, 2013 by intoxreport

Although Detroit was founded as a New France fur trading post, the French themselves left us little by way of culture, and for that, we should probably be grateful.  But they did leave us a bunch of street names.  ‘Detroit’, … Continue reading →

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Mazel Tov, Asimov: Your Label Scheme Doth Make Me Scoff

Posted on June 2, 2013 by intoxreport

‘If it says ‘enzyme, enzyme, enzyme’ on the label, label, label, You should dump it  down the crapper while you’re able, able, able…’ – ‘70’s wine commercial from The Health and Red Tape Network, pre-cable, cable, cable Eric Asimov is … Continue reading →

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‘Tis Ignoble; The Grape’s a Bluffer…

Posted on May 23, 2013 by intoxreport

‘There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow wines; true nobility is being superior to your former plonk.’ – Ernest Hemingway, more or less. Noble Grapes Earlier today, I had a spirited discussion about the genuine translation and import of … Continue reading →

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Yo Ho Ho, And A Bottle Of Mosel

Posted on April 21, 2013 by intoxreport

Like the wine, the captain of the Vliegend Hert went down with the ship.  Unlike the wine, the captain never came up again. Background Check: In 1980, a shipwreck was discovered off the coast of Holland that contained thousands of … Continue reading →

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Baffled By Big, Bad Buffs? Bite Me, Barclay Brothers

Posted on April 18, 2013 by intoxreport

The Telegraph—a London-based  newspaper owned by David and Frederick Barclay—has published a sort of strange piece written by Jasper Copping suggesting that the average wine consumer is ‘baffled’ by the descriptors we stiff-necked, too-big-for-our-smarty-pants wine writers use to describe various … Continue reading →

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