Author Archives: intoxreport

The Brine In Wine Is Mainly In The Mind

Posted on March 25, 2015 by intoxreport

Or so the scholars tell me.  But I’m not buying it—not for a second. On the other hand, whenever I listen to a conch (which rhymes with ‘ponch’, not ‘honk’, damn it) I believe I’m actually hearing the ocean, not … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | Tagged | 3 Comments

Word, Wine Wimps: A Real Man Can Handle His Arsenic

Posted on March 22, 2015 by intoxreport

The line between macho and third stage alcoholism may be a fine one, but here’s a true story: Two years ago I managed to break a carboy filled with dago red and I spent the rest of the afternoon not … Continue reading →

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Springtime Balancing Act: La Flor y La Abeja

Posted on March 21, 2015 by intoxreport

For a wine person, I spend more time mocking wine conventions than I do attending them, but one of life’s primary sanity lessons is that sarcasm is free while a lecture on whether or not to de-stem grapes prior to … Continue reading →

Posted in SPAIN | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

I Pledge Allergic To The Flag

Posted on March 16, 2015 by intoxreport

I own up: I’m too big a pussy to join the Marines, I can’t remember the words to the National Anthem (nor could I hit the high ‘f’ if I did); I turn the thermostat to 90° in the winter … Continue reading →

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I Came, I Wente, I Conquered

Posted on March 14, 2015 by intoxreport

Vini, Vidi, Vente.  That’s Latin, baby. Wente Vineyards makes this claim without braggadocio: They are the oldest, continually-operating family-owned winery in California. As, their scrapbook must look like the walls of Harvard School of Law’s graduating class—generation after generation of … Continue reading →

Posted in Arroyo Seco, CALIFORNIA | Tagged | Leave a comment

Right vs. Left: Banking on Bordeaux, 2010

Posted on March 8, 2015 by intoxreport

When Sonny Bono died in 1998, the public pointed to an old superstition: Celebrities tend to die in trees.  Gratefully, Harrison Ford survived; otherwise we’d have to hear them go on about how celebrities tend to die in fores. In … Continue reading →

Posted in Bordeaux, FRANCE | 1 Comment

Blending: A Tightrope For The Vinologically Dexterous

Posted on March 7, 2015 by intoxreport

Single-variety wines may make for some small talk, but in most cases, blended wines are better.  Which is why, nearly everywhere, for a wine to label itself using the name of a grape—Chardonnay, Syrah, et. al—appellation laws generally allow some … Continue reading →

Posted in Calatayud, SPAIN | Tagged | 1 Comment

What Country Has The REAL Bourbon Dynasty Again?

Posted on March 3, 2015 by intoxreport

Oh, those wacky, laugh-a-minute French.  What with their Jerry Lewis Fan Clubs, socially-constipated mimes, Charlie Hebdo (Mad Magazine for Islamophobes) and Les Tontons Flingueurs quoting, it’s a wonder they have any time to lose wars. But, giving the French space … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | 3 Comments

Chassagne-Montrachet And Hyphen-Mania

Posted on March 1, 2015 by intoxreport

In Burgundy’s Côte d’Or, attaching a big, famous name to your own plebian, obscure name has been an effective technique in the never-ending wine hustle.  So much so, in fact, that négociants often purchase the local hyphen supply en primeur, … Continue reading →

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I Am The Joan Rivers Of The Wine-Blog Oscars

Posted on February 27, 2015 by intoxreport

Truly, I am.  Like Bon Jovi and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame; Nabokov without an aurelian badge from Nobel; Chita Rivera, the firebrand Latina unable to sing her way into a Tony. That’s me: Never the bridesmaid let … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | 4 Comments