Category Archives: GENERAL

Pas de Bor-deux: Dollar for Dollar

Posted on December 10, 2015 by intoxreport

I’m not here to argue whether or not Picasso’s Nude, Green Leaves and Bust is worth a hundred million dollars, which is what it sold for at Christie’s a few years ago, because I grew up in household of people … Continue reading →

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Ed Can Be the Bosse of Me

Posted on December 7, 2015 by intoxreport

I’ve known Ed Bosse for so long I used to have a crush on his sister in high school. Seriously; I was at an all-boys Catholic school and I used to sit in the rear row of Brother Garcia’s Spanish … Continue reading →

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Inglorious Bâterd: Leave the Millennials Alone

Posted on November 12, 2015 by intoxreport

“So many Millennials are interested more in the narrative of the wine rather than the wine,” said Jason Jacobeit, the 29-year-old head sommelier of Bâtard restaurant in New York. “A lot of mediocre wine is being sold on the basis … Continue reading →

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Wine and Chocolate: Life Imitates Really Shitty, Satirical Art

Posted on October 29, 2015 by intoxreport

One of the first pieces I wrote for Intoxicology Report—and one which has, for the sheer idiocy of its premise, seen over 100,000 hits—was a piece on pairing wine with chili dogs. The idea was that writing about such edgy but … Continue reading →

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This Is My 500th Column…

Posted on October 28, 2015 by intoxreport

This is my five hundredth Intoxicology Report, representing nearly a million written words about wine, spirits, beer and people I don’t like. Yessiree bob, I’m so full of me today it’s seeping out around the gaskets. Are you as impressed … Continue reading →

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Is Danny Meyer a Twat? …And Other Rhetorical Questions

Posted on October 26, 2015 by intoxreport

Good news, Foodies—there’s a new buzz word you can latch on to! This one describes all fourteen of Danny Meyer’s New York-based restaurants, among them Gramercy Tavern, Blue Smoke, The Modern and Union Square Café. Henceforth, they are twattorias. This … Continue reading →

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I’m Butch, The HoseMaster is Alfalfa and You’re Darla

Posted on September 14, 2015 by intoxreport

A note was passed to me yesterday during wine class—it was from Barbara, that pretty girl in the back with the Category Merchandiser nameplate on her pinafore. The note said: “I may not always get what you and The HoseMaster … Continue reading →

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I am the Holy Troller and I Shall Lay my Vengeance Upon Thee

Posted on September 4, 2015 by intoxreport

May I venture a guess?  If somebody told you that you were quoted in some wine article in The Atlantic, you’d probably light up like a Buddhist monk with a gas can and a Zippo, right? You’d look for bragging … Continue reading →

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The Munchkin of Ink Thinks I’m #Stupid. Read On.

Posted on August 17, 2015 by intoxreport

Old age may not guarantee wisdom, but it does encourage a bit of caution.  As a result, I’m wary of using the word ‘stupid’ to dismiss people I don’t know.   I roll my eyes at those memes that say ‘Stupidity … Continue reading →

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Sommosexuality: Not That There’s Anything Wrong With It

Posted on August 11, 2015 by intoxreport

We’ve come a long way, baby. When I was a puerile punk, drinking wine—if we drank wine at all—was restricted to Froot Loops brands like Tyrolia and Annie Green Springs.  Wine without the word ‘cooler’ attached was as rare to … Continue reading →

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