Category Archives: GENERAL

Earth Day, 2013: Mirth First, Earth Second. Booyah!

Posted on April 15, 2013 by intoxreport

Personally, I am a sucker for Earth Day.  Especially compared to other inane holidays such as Talk Like a Pirate Day, Christmas Day and whatever that one is where we celebrate veterans who had the good sense not to get … Continue reading →

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Hempiatris: Wine, Wódka and Bong

Posted on April 14, 2013 by intoxreport

As a fellow who (sans shame) looks stuff up on Wikipedia, then pretends he already knew it—or worse, made it up himself—I will hitherto explain the above, crackerjack scarehead: A ‘hendiatris’ (from the Greek: ἓν διὰ τριῶν, hèn dià triôn, … Continue reading →

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Whan That Aprille With His Photo Ops Sweet…

Posted on March 22, 2013 by intoxreport

(Apologies, Chaucer). Newsflash, March 21, 2013: LANSING — Governor Rick Snyder has declared April as ‘Michigan Wine Month’ to honor Michigan’s wide selection of quality wines and the wine industry’s significant contribution to the economy… I was sent this press … Continue reading →

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Enough With The Shite Slinging—Let’s Dish Some Dirt Instead

Posted on March 8, 2013 by intoxreport

‘Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach; those who can neither do nor teach become wine critics.’ I often send petitions of thanks to the Irish god Lugh that I did not pursue a career in winemaking, because sure … Continue reading →

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Master-Level Wine Webinar? We’ll Burn That Bridge When We Come To It

Posted on March 6, 2013 by intoxreport

I just received a ‘last call’ e-card from the French saying ‘Wish you were here! —and for what you will pay for the Sud de France Master-Level Webinar Program, you might as well be.’ The deal is this: For a … Continue reading →

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Assorted Smart-Asseries From The Wonderful World Of Wine

Posted on March 5, 2013 by intoxreport

As most of you know, in 2003 I was booted from the doctoral program at UC Davis for attempting to sell crack cocaine to all four members of the Supervisory Committee, for trying to finance my sixth semester with Monopoly … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | 4 Comments

Calling All Vegans: Unfriend In Need!

Posted on February 26, 2013 by intoxreport

You guys probably know more about Facebook protocol than me, so tell me this: After you ‘unfriend’ somebody, is it customary to send them twelve (count ‘em) private messages in which you refer to your new best unfriend—in this case, … Continue reading →

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Must-Serve Wines For The Oscars! Yes, I’m Kidding

Posted on February 23, 2013 by intoxreport

During the hard time I served as Detroit Free Press wine critic, I worked for a screw editor who had been plucked from the paper’s Fashion Page. Why she was offered—or accepted—a position as Food Page Editor is a mystery best … Continue reading →

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Trinkets And Tchotchkes And Geegaws And Swag…

Posted on February 22, 2013 by intoxreport

..and still the young lady remains on the rag. Whether between the heads of sovereign states, business associates, troglodyte tribes in the tropics or horny men expecting quid pro blowjob reciprocation, the tradition of gift-giving is firmly entrenched in human … Continue reading →

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Grape Seeds: Oil Make Something Of Ya Yet!

Posted on February 21, 2013 by intoxreport

Nearly everyone on earth knows that there is no such thing as a Leprechaun that isn’t actually that wee oaf Matt Roloff mugging about in a green top hat on St. Paddy’s Day; likewise, most folks understand that there is … Continue reading →

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