Heineken: Nineteen Emerging Designers Selected to Create Futuristic Concept Ashram

Amsterdam, 19th October 2011 – Heineken today announced that nineteen emerging designers have been chosen to co-create a pioneering ashram concept as part of Heineken’s Open Design Explorations Edition 1: The Spiritual Hermitage.

Esteemed designers working in the fields of fashion, interiors, yoga, penance and making really long pilgrimages to somewhere that will bore your skivvies off selected the up-and-coming talent, which they believe have the vision and talent to create an exciting prototype for future places of pretending to pray when you’re actually asleep.

The nineteen selected designers, who all showed they love solace, tranquility and Lord Krishna, now have the chance of this particular lifetime to create an ideal locus for sacrifice and Hindu instruction. They will form cross-discipline design teams and through open innovation will showcase progressive ideas about how to meditate while simultaneously thinking about those leaked nude photographs of Scarlett Johansson.

Alongside the designers, a number of handpicked rajguru, which literally translates to pedophile clergymen are providing personal insights from their own experiences in being defiled by emissary-demons of Ravana.

Their concepts will be brought to life by Heineken as a ‘Pop-Up Monastery’ and presented to the world at Milan’s prestigious design fair in April 2012.*

*(Hang on.  I had to use these really weird eye drops last night, and now that I am re-reading the above press release I am realizing that, in fact, these artsy fartsy design wankers are not creating a prototype ashram, but a prototype nightclub.  Geez, how totally embarrassing for me.  Mea maxima culpa.)


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