This is my five hundredth Intoxicology Report, representing nearly a million written words about wine, spirits, beer and people I don’t like.

Yessiree bob, I’m so full of me today it’s seeping out around the gaskets.

Are you as impressed with me as I am with me?  Probably not, but at least you can understand why I am so overwhelmed with positive Kasselian vibes and general Chris-osity that I cannot so much as conceive of a snarky wine column and instead will publish a Paula Deen recipe with some cute .gifs of pigs.

KRISPEY KREME DONUT PUDDING

Ingredients

1 can sweetened condensed milk

2 cans fruit cocktail

2 eggs, beaten

1 (9-ounce) box ground black people

24 Krispy Kreme donuts, cut into cubes

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a large mixing bowl, whisk together all ingredients. Add the donut cubes and toss until they have absorbed as much of the liquid as possible. Pour the mixture into a casserole dish and bake for 1 hour.