Category Archives: Uncategorized

Shine On, Shine On Hard-Ass Moon

Moonshine is many things to many people.  To unemployed Ma Swaller in Possum Twat, Arkansas, it’s survival economics as she sells Persimmon Punch for a buck a cup to her neighbors.  To Dork Hazzard, it’s dodging (literally) the Feddies in … Continue reading

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The Invigorating Catharsis Of The Shit Review

The history of the pan is older than Pan.  Should you consult Wikipedia, you will learn that the very first cuneiform ledger compiled by the Sumerians listed an inventory of ‘One hundred six amphorae of the finest mountain wine’ immediately … Continue reading

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No Honor Among Wine Thieves

Last week, I covered The HoseMaster of Wine’s tearful farewell speech given during an NBC Prehab interview, and it turns out that—silly me—I misheard the dirge and exaggerated his impending retirement. By ‘exaggerated’, of course, I mean ‘totally lied about … Continue reading

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Bryan Ulbrich Puts His Best Foot Forward—The Left One

Really sensational music made by really phenomenal musicians allows us to overlook really dopey band names, right?  Which is why we can listen to The White Album without rolling our eyes. Really sensational wine made by really phenomenal winemakers enjoys … Continue reading

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When It Says Lobby, Lobby, Lobby On The Label, Label, Label…

…you know that common sense is off the table, table, table. At one time—before I accepted Jesus as my Lord and personal savior—I was somewhat judgmental.  I know, I know; you’re all like, huh?  You??!  But it’s perfectly true, people.  … Continue reading

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Velvety ‘Veleta’: A Big Cheese In Tiny Contraviesa-Alpujarra

Q.: What does Veleta have in common with Velveeta? A.: Neither are made out of cheese. * Okay, now that the inevitable and idiotic processed cheese-food reference has been laid to rest, I turn my focus toward a series of … Continue reading

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Chateau Chantal Releases Some Dandy Post-Prandy Brandy

Why the amazing Chateau Chantal always sort of hangs around the periphery of my Michigan wine conscience instead of barreling to the forefront is truly one of God’s mysteries.  I’ve met winemaker Brian Hosmer many times over the years—a bright, … Continue reading

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