Category Archives: GENERAL

Join The N.R.A. And Get A Free Ticket To The Vegan Expo

Well, not quite.  But close.  Yesterday, in the same spirit that rubba-neckin’ Bubba McCan-Koozie goes apeshit when NASCAR cars crash, I represented the Anti-Press at the annual Vegan Tastefest in Novi. Over the years, among my fellow bleeding-heart liberals, I … Continue reading

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Relax, Wine Business: Kathie Lee Has Arrived

The global wine industry—beleaguered by the recent recession, fickle vintages, lazy retailers, semi-literate historiographers and the idiotic 100-point scoring scale—may be likened to the Frankish army at Anatolia, Wellington’s forces at Waterloo, the 2nd Ox at Pegasus Bridge or Gandalf … Continue reading

Posted in CALIFORNIA, GENERAL, Monterey | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Why American Wine Will Never Be As Interesting As French Wine

A few days ago, Tom Wark published a column called  ‘Why French Wine Will Never Be As Interesting As American Wine’. Je l’avoue, there are very few wine columns—French or otherwise—that I find as interesting as my own, which is … Continue reading

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Guy Wicker Is The Heisenberg Of Hootch

Lissen up, Albuquerque undercover: I found Heisenberg, and he’s not dead.  He’s not Walter White and he’s not even in New Mexico.  He’s in Southfield, Michigan and he’s switched his drug dementias mid-season, from meth to absinthe. And also Chartreuse, … Continue reading

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Why We Should Score Literature Like We Score Wine

Last week, having engaged in lively and utterly useless banter with wine writers Joe Roberts and Frederic Koeppel regarding the efficacy of scoring wine, I found myself having sort of epiphany that Brian Wilson must have had when he kicked … Continue reading

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Live Fast, Die Young And Leave A Corpse That Looks Exactly Like James Dean

(This piece is an excerpt from ‘A Rite Of Paso: Paso Robles Wine Country’ to be released December, 2013 by Intoxicology Press, LLC.) Within the annals of the eerie, two almost inconceivably bizarre images come to mind: First, the photograph of John … Continue reading

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Can ‘Forgiven’ Be Forgiven For Stalking Me Until I Wrote This Review?

I love, love, love customer product  testimonials. “This shit really works!!! I swear by it!!! I can drink all night… Take forgiven… Drink 2 bottles of water before bed… And feel totally refreshed in the morning at work!!!!” says Nichole … Continue reading

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Scrawny Scribes Scrawl Scraggy Screeds—Steve Heimoff Screwed

Nice people don’t realize it, but when they try to get all acerbic and mean, they sound lame.  And do you know why they don’t realize it?  Because they’re nice, that’s why.  A nice person being mean is like a … Continue reading

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Paso Robles Wine Country: Bo Barry And The Dark Side Of The Moon

(This piece is an excerpt from ‘A Rite Of Paso: Paso Robles Wine Country’ to be released December 1, 2013 by Intoxicology Press, LLC.) Ol’ Bo Barry wants his city back, and brother, is he determined to get it—and ol’ Bo doesn’t … Continue reading

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Fitting A Square Bottle Into An A-Hole

Tomorrow night, when we are gluing ourselves to our television sets with the remains of Mr. Ed and watching the 65th Annual Emmy Awards, a quiet revolution will be taking place. That’s when Truett-Hurst Inc. will release their much ballyhooed … Continue reading

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