Author Archives: intoxreport

Yo Ho Ho, And A Bottle Of Mosel

Posted on April 21, 2013

Like the wine, the captain of the Vliegend Hert went down with the ship.  Unlike the wine, the captain never came up again. Background Check: In 1980, a shipwreck was discovered off the coast of Holland that contained thousands of … Continue reading →

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Baffled By Big, Bad Buffs? Bite Me, Barclay Brothers

Posted on April 18, 2013

The Telegraph—a London-based  newspaper owned by David and Frederick Barclay—has published a sort of strange piece written by Jasper Copping suggesting that the average wine consumer is ‘baffled’ by the descriptors we stiff-necked, too-big-for-our-smarty-pants wine writers use to describe various … Continue reading →

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Earth Day, 2013: Mirth First, Earth Second. Booyah!

Posted on April 15, 2013

Personally, I am a sucker for Earth Day.  Especially compared to other inane holidays such as Talk Like a Pirate Day, Christmas Day and whatever that one is where we celebrate veterans who had the good sense not to get … Continue reading →

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Hempiatris: Wine, Wódka and Bong

Posted on April 14, 2013

As a fellow who (sans shame) looks stuff up on Wikipedia, then pretends he already knew it—or worse, made it up himself—I will hitherto explain the above, crackerjack scarehead: A ‘hendiatris’ (from the Greek: ἓν διὰ τριῶν, hèn dià triôn, … Continue reading →

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Brown-Bagging With Petite Sirah

Posted on April 13, 2013

I’ve known Stillman Brown since he was knee high to an ass-hopper; by which I mean, before he decided he was straight. See, I can make stupid jokes like that about Stillman Brown (no relation to Encyclopedia, Ford  Madox or … Continue reading →

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Whan That Aprille With His Photo Ops Sweet…

Posted on March 22, 2013

(Apologies, Chaucer). Newsflash, March 21, 2013: LANSING — Governor Rick Snyder has declared April as ‘Michigan Wine Month’ to honor Michigan’s wide selection of quality wines and the wine industry’s significant contribution to the economy… I was sent this press … Continue reading →

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Le Beaujolais Oldveau Est Arrivé

Posted on March 21, 2013

I happen to like Beaujolais Nouveau. And I often get called a panty-waisted momma’s boy eunuch, without taste, testosterone or a grasp of life’s finer pleasures. Not because I like Beaujolais Nouveau, of course, but because I also like that … Continue reading →

Posted in Beaujolais, Gamay, Gamay | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Enough With The Shite Slinging—Let’s Dish Some Dirt Instead

Posted on March 8, 2013

‘Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach; those who can neither do nor teach become wine critics.’ I often send petitions of thanks to the Irish god Lugh that I did not pursue a career in winemaking, because sure … Continue reading →

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Master-Level Wine Webinar? We’ll Burn That Bridge When We Come To It

Posted on March 6, 2013

I just received a ‘last call’ e-card from the French saying ‘Wish you were here! —and for what you will pay for the Sud de France Master-Level Webinar Program, you might as well be.’ The deal is this: For a … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL, Languedoc-Roussillon | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Assorted Smart-Asseries From The Wonderful World Of Wine

Posted on March 5, 2013

As most of you know, in 2003 I was booted from the doctoral program at UC Davis for attempting to sell crack cocaine to all four members of the Supervisory Committee, for trying to finance my sixth semester with Monopoly … Continue reading →

Posted in GENERAL | 4 Comments