Search Results for: snob

In Defense of the Wine Snob

I used to be a snobby sommelier at a snobby restaurant, and brother, I learned to spot a non-snob a mile away. It’s not that filthy-rich Bloomfield Hills cardiologist who claims that he really doesn’t drink much wine, then orders … Continue reading

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Amy Iezzoni: National Cherry Queen, Entire 21st Century

Each year in June, the Board of Governors of the National Cherry Festival in Traverse City picks a National Cherry Queen based on intelligence, poise and speaking ability. And each year since the ‘80s, they get it wrong. That’s because … Continue reading

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Shine On, Shine On Hard-Ass Moon

Moonshine is many things to many people.  To unemployed Ma Swaller in Possum Twat, Arkansas, it’s survival economics as she sells Persimmon Punch for a buck a cup to her neighbors.  To Dork Hazzard, it’s dodging (literally) the Feddies in … Continue reading

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The Invigorating Catharsis Of The Shit Review

The history of the pan is older than Pan.  Should you consult Wikipedia, you will learn that the very first cuneiform ledger compiled by the Sumerians listed an inventory of ‘One hundred six amphorae of the finest mountain wine’ immediately … Continue reading

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No Honor Among Wine Thieves

Last week, I covered The HoseMaster of Wine’s tearful farewell speech given during an NBC Prehab interview, and it turns out that—silly me—I misheard the dirge and exaggerated his impending retirement. By ‘exaggerated’, of course, I mean ‘totally lied about … Continue reading

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‘Lose The Bottle’, Okay. But What About The War?

Today, I am going to stray from the fast-track wine column to which you have become accustomed in order to speak briefly about a subject close to all our hearts, our hoodies, our hypothalamuses and our humeri—the Four-H Club for … Continue reading

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Assorted Smart-Asseries From The Wonderful World Of Wine

As most of you know, in 2003 I was booted from the doctoral program at UC Davis for attempting to sell crack cocaine to all four members of the Supervisory Committee, for trying to finance my sixth semester with Monopoly … Continue reading

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Barack Buggers Big Beer: Bravo!

When it comes to learning new words, I am pretty much on the fence.  Like, I vacillate.  It would seem that my inbred, Leonardo-level lust for learning—the product of a nearly bionic brain and a four-digit IQ (not to brag, … Continue reading

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How Hot Is Tin Roof?

Kirkland Signature embossed toilet paper hot.  SKU #31680 12” x 1000’ Foodservice Tinfoil hot.  As hot as Depend® Extra Large Protective Underwear for Men—a 16 pack for $19.99. By which I mean, Tin Roof is Costco hot. * Learning Wine … Continue reading

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Moscatos and Mosquitoes: Summer In The Motor City

Whenever I travel this wide and wonderful land, wherever I go—from purple mountain to fruited plains, beneath spacious skies and through amber grain waves, from sea to shining sea—I tell people I’m from Detroit and the response I get is … Continue reading

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